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In honor of myself...

Illustration for article titled In honor of myself...

...I'd like to pay tribute to some of the more... interesting moments that have occurred throughout my 24 years of life. Now that I feel like I must make this last year of my first quarter-life memorable (insert pressure here), what better way to start the "new year" than to reflect on some past experiences. Sure, I have accumulated lots of happy, laugh-til-my-stomach-hurts moments over these past years from childhood into adulthood, but these are not the moments I would like to look back on. What’s the fun in remembering the good moments; those are all located in my Facebook photo archive. Instead, it will be much more amusing to recall my top 10 traumatizing memories (in no particular order).


1. Back in the days when I was a city child (okay, Queens) there was a time period I like to entitle "The Rotating Babysitter Chronicles." In summary, there was the one who smelled of falafel, the one who clipped her toenails on my couch, the one who peed with the bathroom door open, and the one with the ripped earlobes which has led me to fear tearing my earrings out of my ears.

2. The insect incidents, part 1: daddy long legs, sleepaway camp edition. Never will I ever touch one of these creatures by their long, threadlike legs, as I will always remember the time where I was woken up in the middle of the night by these. And chased around my bunk with them. Kids are evil.


3. The time I left my door unlocked and my roommates tin foiled my room. And saran wrapped every piece of furniture. And video taped my reaction to this discovery.

4. The setting was my Maryland apartment, the time frame was fall of my senior year, the trauma was the stink bug infestation. Shout out to my college roommates who made up for #3 by disposing of these large, atrocious creatures because my phobia would not permit me to such thing myself.


5. The Italian train pervert, round 1, and the Italian ATM pervert, round 2

6. The time I had to miss Halloween sophomore year because of appendicitis. Foreshadowed by nearly passing out in a Haunted house which leads me to:

7. Fright Fest at Six Flags. Grown men and women dressing up as children, sneakily coming up centimeters to your face and whispering in baby-talk while simultaneously scraping a shovel on the ground? Never. again.


8. The time I thought I was in a scene from the Titanic when the main floor of my college apartment building flooded and water was pouring from the sides of the walls as we had to evacuate, all while being half-asleep at 3 a.m.

9. The time I won a prize on national television last year after standing outside in the rain and playing hooky from work. This doesn't sound traumatizing, but when someone who has been fated with perpetual awkwardness is forced to jump up and down excitedly (they encourage screaming) with cameras pointed towards her, it was sweat-inducing. Fortunately, this reaction was not captured on YouTube, but it did make my grandma's day. And now I have 5 years of free Netflix so maybe I overreacted...


10. The Robbery. Florence, Italy 2010. 1 Kinja post wouldn't do it justice.

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